Until recently the only support group I joined since becoming a mother was one called Dairy Queens and it was for breastfeeding only (and it's awesome by the way, in case you are wondering). A few days ago I joined another group for stay at home moms. Since we are moving back to the US soon I felt like I should get acquainted with what it's like to be a mom there and maybe even find some stay at home moms in the Tampa area that I could meet up with.
This was a bad idea. It's mostly just negative ranting. The admin rules say this is not allowed but if they deleted all the complaining posts then there wouldn't be a group left. If a question or comment is not ranting it's something like, "Let me see a picture of your cute baby!" or my favorite was a comment that spelled weigh as "way." I just can't.
But none of that was the catalyst for me leaving the group only days after joining. It was two links. Both read as bitter, negative, lonely, and defensive. I presume their (just kidding, they're) supposed to be funny by the many "likes" and supportive comments on the Facebook posts. The first article was ripping on the "Dear Perfect Mom in the Facebook Comments" and the second was "What Foreplay for Moms Really Looks Like." Both perpetuate stereotypes of what mothers are and frankly those stereotypes were a reason I didn't want to join the mom brigade to begin with. Sure we all have hard days but why can't a mother be happy, put together, and in love with her children and husband? And why can't she also enjoy being a stay at home mom and find peace with her life decisions? Why are people venting on the internet to total strangers instead of talking to their spouses and seeking advice from trustworthily loved ones?
The Perfect Mom article is so angry and so defensive that I can barely read through it. I have no further comments except that maybe the woman who wrote it should seek therapy.
Regarding the foreplay article, I disagree with it entirely. Here's a quote that sort of sums it up the article "While it used to be fun to fool around on the couch or make out at the movies, now that I'm a mom, I like an entirely different kind of foreplay." I'm the same woman I was a year ago. I have the same desires and passions. True I have been a bit distracted and completely immersed in my new life role but that doesn't mean that I also don't want my husband to flirt with me, take me out, bring me flowers or even that I don't want to fool around on the couch. I feel like the article is saying, I wish my husband would read my mind and help me out around the house or fix dinner now and then. But it comes off as passive aggressive and sarcastic. If by foreplay you mean intimacy and by intimacy you mean you wish your spouse and you communicated better and had more balanced responsibilities at home then why don't you talk to him about it? He's not a mind reader.
Oh and then after all that I read this. Enjoy, all you apparently undersexed moms out there. I guarantee it's better than a clean kitchen.