Yoga with Baby

photo from my Instagram

I don't like sweating. I'm not super coordinated. I wouldn't consider myself outdoorsy or athletic. All of these things make it a challenge for me to pump myself up for regular exercise. For most of my 20s I lived in places where I walked everywhere and with some yoga or a run sprinkled in here and there I was able to get away with not having a daily workout routine.

Now not only do I have the baby weight to lose but I also want to get in better physical shape to stay healthy and keep up with my energetic little buddy. I bought a running stroller and started running with him, but my poor knees rebelled. It has been difficult to exercise at home with a baby climbing all over me.

A friend of mine recently posted on her blog about an online yoga studio based out of LA called YogaGlo. (Go check out her blog, Jenny Weigle and her post on the studio!) They have tons of classes focusing on exercise, meditation, whatever you might be looking for to develop your practice. As Jenny mentioned in her post, they have classes from 5 minutes to 90 minutes and it's only $18 a month. (Friends with new babies or expecting babies - they have several pre and post natal classes!)

This sounded really appealing to me. I also don't have a car or extra time or a sitter for Noah, so driving to a studio or gym locally hasn't been an option. On top of that, I've been practicing yoga for over 10 years but haven't ever gotten past a certain point so I always feel slightly defeated when trying to go to the next level. I started taking the classes about 20 days ago (free trial for 15 days!) and I have already noticed a huge difference in my practice. I am already much stronger physically and more centered and calm emotionally. Most days I've been able to do an hour class but if I am tired (teething nights!) or needing to spend my time otherwise, then I can take a 20 or 30 minute class and still feel like I got a workout in. Plus it is much less sweaty than running and so I can go right from my workout to picking up Noah out of his crib and moving on with the day. I've also noticed a difference on the days I manage a workout I sleep much better and feel less anxious.

Is physical fitness a priority to you? How do you make time for it?

Why I Love my Therapist

When I was living in NYC it was the thing to go to a therapist. Everyone had one. People left the office during their lunch breaks to go to their therapists. They began sentences with "my therapist suggested…" and borderline bragged about it.

Otherwise going to a therapist has traditionally been seen as a negative thing. Something is wrong with you and you go to the psychologist/psychiatrist to be fixed. When one is going through the process to obtain a security clearance with the US government, on the form you fill out they ask you if you have ever had mental health counciling and if so what for. The question is in the section of questions about drug use and post traumatic stress. There isn't really an option to write, I like going to therapy to better myself. So in other words, would you consider going to a therapist if you weren't in a crisis?

Since having a baby I haven't had much time for myself. I have been all consumed with baby and his needs, wants, and potential needs and wants. Any extra time I would spend starring blankly at Gman while trying to take a deep breath or we would talk about logistics, to-do's, or how cute Noah is. All the while I had so much stirring in my heart. There has been so much change and yet I had never felt more at peace in all my life. For once I have no where to be but exactly where I am. But I also feel a huge desire to mature and grow. When I talked to my sister about it (she is a mental health councilor) she suggested I first read the book, Boundaries When to Say Yes and How to Say No (by Cloud and Townsend), then go talk to a therapist. She recommended a friend of hers in Denver.

That book was completely life changing for me. I didn't even know what boundaries were or why I needed them beforehand. Boundaries aren't putting up wall around you or in between you and your loved ones, like it sounds. It's about saying this is where you end and I begin. You worry about you, I worry about me then we can help each other out along the way. The book covers boundaries with your parents, spouse, children, friends, co-workers, and even understanding yourself more. It is very positive and uplifting. The main message is boundaries are used to establish deeper and more mature relationships as well as to help you carry only your own burden (not everyone's around you as some of us tend to do). I HIGHLY recommend it. It is written towards a Christian audience, so if you aren't Christian just sort of skim past that because the meat and potatoes is really not religious, it reads as common sense.

Once I read the book I started seeing my therapist. Being able to have an hour a week to talk about myself exclusively to someone who was paid to listen and advise me is really a treat. No where else in my life do I have this outlet. It has become something I look forward to twice a month. It is the only time I have that is completely uninterrupted and focused on me. Becoming a mother is truly wonderful, but it is so so easy to lose oneself in the whirlwind of it all. Going to my therapist has not only brought me back to myself but has allowed me to take action in creating more meaningful and mature relationships with myself and the people around me.

The experience of talking to a therapist has also been different than I expected. She doesn't just sit there and go "mmm, hmm" "and can you tell me more about that?" "How did that make you feel?" etc. We start each session with her asking me what I'd like to talk about that week. It can be anything and doesn't have to pick up where we left off last time. Even the weeks where I think, should I cancel? Nothing has really happened. I don't even know what I'd talk about, I end up filling a full hour with discussion. It's wonderful!

From this experience I feel strongly that you don't have to be in dire straights to go to a therapist. You can go to one because you might just have some questions about a relationship you're in or about a decision you have to make or simply just to have some time to yourself about yourself. I have been going since September and have already had some very intimate and confrontational talks with the people most important in my life. I would not have had these conversions in the past. Being honest and speaking with conviction from my heart has changed these relationships for the better and has built a platform for further development.

Not only that but I've discovered I'm an introvert. Who knew?

My Birthing Story

It has taken me a year to write this post. That isn't because I have nothing to say. It's because I am petrified to try to sum up one of the most important and incredible life experiences I've ever had in 1,000 works. That experience was the birth of my son. Today is his first birthday, so I couldn't think of a more fitting time to finally share.

The process of becoming a mother is deeply intimate and yet it is one of the most common shared experiences we have as humans and women. I felt extremely private about my pregnancy and the goings on in my inner belly. How can you describe to someone who has not gone through it how it feels to have new life moving within you? It wasn't strange or alien, it was life giving and beautiful. I'd never felt so proud of my body and so proud to be a woman any other time in my entire life (culminating with the birth). Even the days where I was afraid to leave the house because I thought I might vomit in public or I was too fatigued to go in spite of it, when I looked in the mirror I felt beautiful. I felt free. I never once thought of myself as fat, ugly, or lacking. I was fulfilled and rightly glowing. To be free of the harsh criticism of my physical body was worth every hardship of carrying a child.

In the media, movies, blogs, causal talk amongst friends, you get a picture of what labor and deliver might be. The woman suddenly experiences water gushing from her body and is rushed to the hospital screaming at her husband/partner ("I hate you!" "Epidural!") while the doctor holds her legs in the air and she pushes five times and the baby is born. Then everyone is sweating and crying and in love and basically clapping. I guess in a way these things could be true but they weren't for me. I think it makes birth sound terrifying.

I was not afraid of childbirth. Even after way too many unsolicited horror stories of birthing gone wrong (why?!) I still felt excited to meet my son and see if he was as I had gotten to know him. Having the baby in my belly, I knew his habits and preferences already. I knew when he was up and when he slept. I knew when his active times were and if chocolate or caffeine seemed to affect him. He got hiccups at least 3 times a week and thought 4am was definitely the best time for gymnastics. Still, at 40 weeks I wasn't ready to share him with everyone else. I was really enjoying being pregnant at this point (all puking subsided after 12 weeks or so, thank god) and had no problem keeping Noah all to myself. I wasn't uncomfortable nor thought things like "get this baby out of me!" I felt pretty content. Apparently he did as well because at 41 weeks there was no sign of his exit.

Having a baby was the hardest thing I've ever done. When I thought I couldn't bear it for another second, I had to. When I thought my body was going to physically give up, I pushed through. When the pain was so intense I thought I might rather die, I felt relief. There was no turning back, no stopping, no relenting. But like all things, it passed with time. Yoga/meditative breathing, patience, determination, and a positive attitude got me through 80%, an epidural the other 20.

Despite my disappointment of not having a 100% natural unmedicated childbirth, and having to fight tooth and nail not to have a c-section even though we were healthy and strong, I had a satisfying labor and delivery. When Noah was placed on my chest I felt a calmness come over me. I felt peaceful and quiet and almost out of my body. He was so perfect and tiny and wonderful. He was like I had know him all along. I got to touch his precious hands and face and belly instead of just feeling them. I got to watch him quietly lay in his swaddle and check out the world around him.

I was suspicious and mildly grossed out by the idea of nursing, but once my baby was in my presence I felt comforted by his nuzzling around, latching on to my breast, and nursing for the first time. It was just supposed to happen. It felt natural and calming. He was a little suckling pro, too.

Afterwards, all I could think of was a six inch Italian sub from Publix with BBQ chips and a sweet tea. No joke. My father-in-law commented in amazement that he'd never seen me eat that fast. I stared at him with lettuce and drippings all over my face and hospital gown. I was STARVING. And then I didn't sleep for 9 months. The end.

Support Groups?

Until recently the only support group I joined since becoming a mother was one called Dairy Queens and it was for breastfeeding only (and it's awesome by the way, in case you are wondering). A few days ago I joined another group for stay at home moms. Since we are moving back to the US soon I felt like I should get acquainted with what it's like to be a mom there and maybe even find some stay at home moms in the Tampa area that I could meet up with.

This was a bad idea. It's mostly just negative ranting. The admin rules say this is not allowed but if they deleted all the complaining posts then there wouldn't be a group left. If a question or comment is not ranting it's something like, "Let me see a picture of your cute baby!" or my favorite was a comment that spelled weigh as "way." I just can't.

But none of that was the catalyst for me leaving the group only days after joining. It was two links. Both read as bitter, negative, lonely, and defensive. I presume their (just kidding, they're) supposed to be funny by the many "likes" and supportive comments on the Facebook posts. The first article was ripping on the "Dear Perfect Mom in the Facebook Comments" and the second was "What Foreplay for Moms Really Looks Like." Both perpetuate stereotypes of what mothers are and frankly those stereotypes were a reason I didn't want to join the mom brigade to begin with. Sure we all have hard days but why can't a mother be happy, put together, and in love with her children and husband? And why can't she also enjoy being a stay at home mom and find peace with her life decisions? Why are people venting on the internet to total strangers instead of talking to their spouses and seeking advice from trustworthily loved ones?

The Perfect Mom article is so angry and so defensive that I can barely read through it. I have no further comments except that maybe the woman who wrote it should seek therapy.

Regarding the foreplay article, I disagree with it entirely. Here's a quote that sort of sums it up the article "While it used to be fun to fool around on the couch or make out at the movies, now that I'm a mom, I like an entirely different kind of foreplay." I'm the same woman I was a year ago. I have the same desires and passions. True I have been a bit distracted and completely immersed in my new life role but that doesn't mean that I also don't want my husband to flirt with me, take me out, bring me flowers or even that I don't want to fool around on the couch. I feel like the article is saying, I wish my husband would read my mind and help me out around the house or fix dinner now and then. But it comes off as passive aggressive and sarcastic. If by foreplay you mean intimacy and by intimacy you mean you wish your spouse and you communicated better and had more balanced responsibilities at home then why don't you talk to him about it? He's not a mind reader.

Oh and then after all that I read this. Enjoy, all you apparently undersexed moms out there. I guarantee it's better than a clean kitchen.